What if I tell you that most of the things you know about respect don't apply in marriage? I'm sure you've heard the saying that respect is earned and that respect is reciprocal but what if I tell you that doesn't apply in marriage? So, here's the thing, being respectful is a state and once you marry a person, you have signed up to respect them as long as you both shall live. And this is not a one-sided thing, both men and women deserve respect and should be respected. However, somehow somewhere you may have come across this clique "Love is to women what respect is to men'' right? Well, cliches are cliches for a reason, they have an element of truth. Men, in simple terms, have an innate need to be regarded and respected so much more than women. This may sound strange but the respect a man is given determines how a lot of things will go in that home. So, if men need to be respected so badly, what can make women lose respect for their husbands?
1. Failing to keep to his words/promises
Imagine always saying something and not doing it. Emotions run high, no doubt, and there may be a temptation to say things in the heat of a moment but do not. A man is bound to any word that comes out of his mouth. Imagine always saying something and not doing it, with time your words begin to hold less water and your respect starts to slip away as well as any regard you once had. This is a problem because your inability to do what you say you will do may be seen as a sign of weakness, fear or something else and one of the worst things a man can do to himself is to be weak. As a rule, avoid making promises when you are happy, making decisions out of sadness or speaking when you are angry. A man who keeps his word is so much more honorable and respectful than a man who doesn't.
2. Inability to meet up with his basic responsibilities
Let's get something clear, just in case you are still in doubt, it is the basic responsibility of a husband to lead, provide and protect for his family. I understand this is the 21st century but some things never change just like how the desire to be respected is men's innate need and that is not going to change. A husband who doesn't meet up with his basic responsibilities over time will lose respect. A modern man-made phenomenon like 50-50 does not help either. Yes, there might be times when the wife might have to support, times of financial downtime which no one desires, but this must never be the norm. Women don't do well with providing and the price you will pay for handing over your provision, leadership or protector role to your wife will be steep and probably fatal. Men who refused to accept this truth have had to pay dearly for it.
3. Cheating
This one is a very controversial topic but cheating is a character flaw. It is not something all men do. "All men cheat" is a lie from the pit of hell. It is an excuse loose, indisciplined men use to make up for their inadequacies. The thing is, everyone can cheat but it takes discipline and personal character not to. You are cheating because you lack these qualities and it shows how weak you are. The lies and deceit that come with cheating are another ball game altogether. She doesn't know if what you say is the truth, or if you are just lying again. Your wife cannot rely on your words, talk more of your actions (remember point 1). People who cheat don’t respect their partners or themselves, so why should they be respected? Respect can be lost and a display of lack of self-control like cheating is a good way to lose it.
4. Poor & childish behavior
Correction is something women are used to doing to their kids as a means to ensure proper upbringing. You lose your respect when you leave your wife in the position to frequently correct you. Choose a side, do you want to be her child or be regarded as her husband? If it's the latter then act like it. Poor behavior also includes not sticking up for yourself. You cannot behave in a way that allows others to disrespect you and think it will be different with your wife. Do you take care of your health and hygiene? I know you are busy trying to provide but health is wealth and no one likes an unpleasant body smell. In addition, accept what you can't control like the weather, as opposed to sulking when things don't go as planned.
5. Having no dream, ambition or motivation
As the lead visionary of the home, you always need to have where you are going, a goal, a dream. Men cannot get tired of being men or switch to their feminine. If they do, they will lose their ability to provide, protect or lead and that will definitely lead to disrespect. Perhaps, your spouse married you with the hope that things will get better, meaning they are counting on you. Dreaming small, giving up, losing your motivation or ambition means not living up to the expectations you promised. Find a way to get motivated, and one of the best ways is to surround yourself with other successful men that can motivate you to go for more.
In conclusion, those who have been married for several years know from experience that all marriages have their ups and downs. However, giving room for disrespect or acting in a way that encourages your spouse to disrespect you is a no-no. Avoid promising and failing to do what you promised, relinquishing your basic roles, acting poorly, cheating on your spouse or being unambitious. Overall, a recurring theme in all of the above reasons had something to do with a man leaving his basic responsibility or displaying ill behavior. If you are already in a disrespectful situation, it is imperative that you step up and reclaim your respect.
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